I feel pukish. Nothing new. Just a statement. Have been feeling so for a few days now. Causeless, baseless, feelings of pukishness. A disgusting feeling that I am growing to appreciate. The pleasure of the disgusting. That is what I am living.
I tell Rathindra that I want manyokka and katta sambol. He says he will get them for me and we embark on a distinction of what constituted katta sambol. Was it lunumiris or something else? I try to emphasise that I prefer sticking to my own vocabulary and resonate a zillion times (exaggeration of course) that I wanted manyokka and katta sambol (not lunumiris, but katta sambol)
Sometimes being able to retain one’s own expression over nothingness makes perfect sense. Same with forcing someone to use your terminology. When you meet one, who lets you have both ways, I think it’s like bliss. Well not in perpetuity, but at least on a linguistic level. Not complaining on the rest of the aspects, just trying to focus on the subject matter. (for those who deem my blog to be on “Sex” sorry for disappointment)
Sigh, well I like people who have patience. I mean lots of patience. And I like that he has patience. The patience to read the weird things I post on the blog and then sulk in silence without confronting me. The patience to put up with my mood swings and agree to find me manyokka. The patience to put up with my hormonal highs, and lows, and then the neutralities too. (the latter being the exception of course)
I ask him why he puts up with me. He tells “I am like that” (not much of an explanation I say but then again I am glad that he is “like that”. You know, “like that” the expression for which people have no specific definition, but a mere act of pretext at comprehension. Sad at times, banal at other times. The rest of the time, purely not analysed.)
On a very personal note, I am running out of complains of late (shock!) With him, I remain with control over my expression, and with my katta sambol . So why the hell would I want to rant of frustration.
I mean, at least for the night of course.
PS. Words do not seem to flow of late. Rants are mostly pronounced of late with a caressing of skin than a caressing of a key board.