Note: Not my general writing, but of late I have realised that first impressions should always be respected.
Yesterday I end up in the company of this chica of whom I had no comfortable feeling. I had not met her ever, (though she seems to have been in my company without my recollection) and every time she came to my mind, thanks to being mentioned or smiling through too many photos with a certain someone, only one feeling or word occurred to me: CREEPY!
Yea so, after having turned down to meet her once, when I was in no mood to entertain anybody I found to be creepy, I take up the challenge just so that I could retain that expression I use on a fair occasion when I feel left out “I don’t feel part of your life!” (well I cannot say that when I keep saying, no to meeting the “friend”, can I?)
So there they were, on a Saturday morning, when I walked into them, with invitation of course. My reaction on seeing her… well I am not sure what it was, simply because I was too distracted by his stupid salmon pink t-shirt. (I normally see him in shirts, and all prepped up, this was a new look, and he seemed a little not too sure how the hell he was to react to his girlfriend. Weird I know, but then again maybe it was normal for him. Many a thing, I would never understand about him, and this being one among the many)
Right, so this woman, I try to give her my attention while battling not to be distracted by the salmon pink. Yikes, what the hell was he thinking. Sigh! And there she is, staring at to empty space, with a stupid ass expression on her face. I try to do what I do at those moments of discomfort and odd company: SMILE! In the meantime, he decides that holding my hand was not something he should be doing, instead decides poking my leg while wearing some dirty pair of rubber slippers be the best move. Honest to God, I try to keep my patience in check, and ask him, what the hell he tought he was doing, while all the dirt rubbed against my sister’s pair of denims, into which I had squeezed in.
He says, its clean. I bite my lip, trying not to say something too nasty. But ask anyways , “your leg, or your slipper?”, to which he responds “Both, I walked only from there to here!” Pointing with his hand the distance he had walked. And I wonder if this is one of those things I do not seem to know about this man. Who knows, he could be washing his slippers or returning home. One never knows! People surprise me or shock me on a regular basis these days.
Tick, tick, tick, tick, …awkward…tick tick.. silence. And then he tells her that I am doing my bar exams and she mutters something inaudible. And turn be upon me to respond. So I succumb to the need and start this conversation about her sister’s law studies, and my students who were not in her sister’s batch and then a woman who might be in her sister’s batch. Terrible conversation which leads to a mail on seals and how they are killed, which for some reason man finds hilarious every time he mentions it. ( “After reading the mail, I am rooting for poachers.” He tells me one fine day, when I was in a better mood not being in both their company.)
So here comes the favourite line. “Have I forwarded you that mail, it goes I was floating in the sea, and then I was killed!” and then humongous and insane laughter! ( I am not sure how many of you find this funny, but I simply just fail to see any humour in it. Not even 0.0000001 of humour!!)
So I give him the look that Sonali says makes her want to kill me every time I give it! (@ Sonali: can’t help it, it was his fault! Not mine!)
And to find the woman found it so freaking funny, that she starts laughing her head off. I wait 20 seconds for the laughter to subside, nopes, 20, 40 ..tick tick, tick tick, and still the laughter continues! And dammit! One good minute! And STILL the laughter continues!
And there I am, waiting in the middle of the two of them, my poker face on, and then the “Iwillkillyouifyougivemethatexpression” (according to Sonali of course), crossing my face, while brain alert goes high on siren mode, CREEPY! CREEPY! CREEPY!
Just when you think, it will stop, she adds “that is the most RETARDED thing I ever heard!” and the hysteria follows for the next one minute or more!
I look around, trying to plot my escape while wishing someone would come and just kill me and relieve me of this torture! at that moment, I honestly did not mind even a mango falling on my head and me dying on the spot. Such was the torture of those ten minutes!
And there I was staring into thin air, wondering what the hell I was doing with my life, and whether I would ever be able to survive coffee or dinner with this woman in the threesome.
WHAM! It struck me! Dammit, he ain’t much different from her. he kept telling the stupid lines to hear that stupid hysteria. I can deal with stupidity, and I can deal with hysteria! But both together hell NO!
I wondered if I knew this man at all! The man who is completely different when with me, and then turning into this I do not know what, in other people’s company, rubbing his leg on my thigh with dirty slippers on, person.
Escape comes in the form of the cab that fortunately turns up in less than fifteen minutes.
On my way, I get a text from him which goes “ She thinks you have lost weight and much cuter!” mental response “ I think she is paranoid and hysterical” but No I do not send it, instead, polite and not bitchy response “ LOL, tell her thank you”
Followed by the next “She thinks that it is good that I am dating you!”
Mental response: “ you think!” but polite response “what do YOU think?”
And then all my system files officially crashed!
( PS. I am sorry about this, just could not help it, but she just made me hit epiphany on many a matter, and then what can I say, both of those two people put together, awakes the dormant bitch in me! Well may be not so dormant, but inexpressed being more appropriate I guess)