It’s funny the people we trust, the people in whom we have faith, and how the very same would break the trust we have in them. May be it is a little too much for them to handle. I have heard one tell me that he felt “inadequate” next to me so he had to be with another woman. I am yet to discern the logic of that statement. I have heard a man tell me that he loved me and also the other woman, and then later that he loved her more while she lingered and then while she was not around that he said it in order to prevent me from forgiving him again for all the bullshit he regularly fed me with . In short people baffle me to high levels and I lack capacity to understand the point of their behaviour. Then again I do not understand myself at most times, and mostly when I end up dating a jerk. Sonali tells me “you are no longer going to reform people!”. Though I never intended to reform anyone, well I doubt if I could reform the behavioural incapabities of keeping one’s dick in one’s pants. Then again, with my never give up hope attitude I might even try my luck at that. He tells me his cheating had nothing to do with sex. I wonder alone, if it was not about sex, and was only about chats on music, TV shows which he claim was what he liked about her, why in the world would one need to go around sleeping with the other. Once again, my intellectual capacities of logical analysis fail me, and I flunk at understanding the more complex ways of life.
All I feel is numb. Not anger. Not sadness. Just numbness. I have to admit that it is an awfully calm feeling despite the regular disturbance of churning by a persistent child from within.