I haven’t written in a while. I have been busy trying to find out how a man could cheat on his pregnant wife, lie to the world, abandon her and his kid, and never bother to check on either. I have been busy trying to move on from all the suicidal thoughts and the “why me?” thoughts. And I have been busy trying to find answers that I might need to questions my son might ask, when he realises others have fathers whereas he does not, since daddy’s long gone before he was born.
I have not found answers to all of my questions, I am not sure “why me?” but have a few guesses,
a. I was too stupid to believe that a man who would cheat once would stop doing so,
b. I was too stupid to believe a woman would stop messing around with a married man whose wife was pregnant and about to give birth to his son
c. Or the man was just too dumb to realise the value of a family and his child, and preferred to screw around.
Whether it be one, none or all of the above, I am grateful for all those moments of sanity I live today, as opposed to the pensive moments staring at tablets with “to swallow or not to swallow”. I am grateful for the lies I have not to live with and hours of waiting that I do not have to endure for people to turn up home.
Most of all I am blessed with a son who thinks I am the greatest and looks at me with that expression in his eyes, which says “mummy, you deserve the best! And that would be ME!”