Monthly Archives: April 2013

“Bitchy is Fine, Bossy is Fine”

20 Saturday Apr 2013

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It’s good when you can be yourself with your partner. Something rare I suppose since we make that extra effort to make believe to another that we are something else, or we try to change for the other party.

But for a change, it is good to be myself with him. He understands, he laughs, and he accepts. He makes me believe that I can be myself, and that he could still live with it, and not turn out a serial killer.

So for him, bitchy is fine, bugging is fine, and occasional bossy is fine too.

And for me, all this is super fine 🙂

“Space for Reading, Space for Typing”

20 Saturday Apr 2013

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I like the room. It’s small, it’s closed and gives me space. I block the sounds out, the faces and the rest out, and try to read.

Reading, a thing that I used to like, but have lesser and lesser time to do of late. Reading used to be a hobby till I started studying law, now it has become a need, but with not much time to practice. I think it is that time of evolution of reading, and whatever else I wish I could be doing, but barely get the time to do anymore. Singing I liked, which I stopped for a good year and a half to avoid someone’s looks, and then which I am unable to do anymore since I have lost my voice. I think life takes away things that you have not much use for, or something like that I guess. Whoever up there, who decides what each person gets dished out must have thought, this woman does not sing anymore, so why bother letting her have a singing voice. So yep, that could be one weird theory of why I lost my voice.

Anyways back to that notion called reading.

I remember reading as a teenager finishing one novel on my way to Colombo and then reading another heading back home. My father used to take me to Gamini Hall, the second-hand book shops, by which I walked to catch the train every Saturday and Sunday, and by which I pass today in a rush, heading to court or trying to register a company. But I never make a stop anymore. I do stop in front of it, but walk into the company registrar, turning my back on those small shops in which I used to spend a lot of time in the past, turning pages that had turn yellow, and books that looked less used, and sold to the vendor being stolen from school libraries.

Life has changed a lot, a kid, a lot of law to read, and a lot of mails to be sent. I type random rants, on life and things that matter, to me of course, though I am not sure of their universal application to others.

Then again, who cares? It’s my blog, and I type. I am glad I do type, it keeps my sanity which hangs by a thread, intact.

Atleast for the time being.

” I never loved you!”

16 Tuesday Apr 2013

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It was funny to read those words, but they were there, in one of those mails that he sent her.

It had taken him 9 months to write to her. He had maintained his silence through his child’s birth, through the divorce, and then he decides to break it. For what cause? To tell her that he never loved her. The man who claimed he would not know what he would do with his life if something were to happen to her, the man who kept typing “I love you” every two minutes on sms or chat, had decided to come clean of his lies, and decided to state how he really felt for her.

“What you need to realize is that I never loved you.”

She only smiled.

“Red They Shalt Be!”

14 Sunday Apr 2013

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“I love you”
“Not convincing enough!” she tells him.
So he tries again, in different intonation, and different rhythms.
“Convincing enough?”
She laughs, he looked good, especially when trying to be convincing. He had tried to convince for a while, though she had other things to occupy herself with, than being convinced by him or love.
Once, she had been convinced by another, who did take her for a good ride.
“Have better things to do,” she muttered, unheard by him, who seemed to be on a rant of which she had missed the start.

“So, which colour will the flowers be?”
“Red”
“So cliché!”
He was decided on red.
“You have to learn a thing or two, from the Italians, red it shall be,” he adds.
Red it is then!

“No red roses though”.
He makes a face. But she was decided too. She was decided that he shalt not have things too easy. She has being an idiot with one, and not with this one.
“Let the effort unfold,” (mental note for herself).

She was happy. She liked bugging him, just for the heck of it. And he didn’t seem to mind. She has known him for a while, and she always wondered whether it was her bugging that made him call her, or hang out with her, or constantly try to “convince” her on why she should date him, or consider dating him, or anything that comes close to the concept that he was trying to promote.

“I should try car-pooling,” one of his eco –friendly solutions of late.
“Or the train,” she adds. (Didn’t want him to get lost, and then start a search party for him, once again categorised under “mental notes”)
“You’ll be doing a lot of sight-seeing,” she adds. An informal way of saying that she will be busy and that she will have to figure out what he will be busy with during her hours of reading, and reading, and many a meeting.
“Sight-seeing, what?” (he seemed to have missed the point).
“You will figure out,” she adds. ( Smile, and throw that charm what is left, after dishing out all the bugging in the world on a poor soul).
“Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be a repetition of the Washington venture!”
(Now he was genuinely having doubts. Last work trip he had joined her, he had left him to wonder around for a few days on his own, till he was tired of wondering around, and for a change annoyed with himself for waiting on her. Then again he had calmed down, eventually though.)

“I love you,” he says.
(Pause)

She was not yet convinced. She needed a lot more time, space and healing..