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I have found many a thing frustrating with regard to banks. Standing in queues while the bank employee hangs on the phone for hours, eternal waits to collect money from checks. But topped all of it is getting a loan, or rather getting information on the possibility of getting a loan.

I have been having my bank account in this bank for a reasonable while now, and have been using it for all my money deposits and transactions, be it from foreign transactions to my salary being deposited. So just to check my capacity to get money if there be an emergency one day (since my dad questions too many times as to why I have not got an account in the bank where he works and keeps investing money in a bank that has no facilities available for me) I go to the bank and ask what my options are on getting a loan that is worth just two months of my salary, which keeps getting deposited to their bank on a monthly basis. The conversation I had with them was an utter waste of time, and waste of my patience.

Me: “Could you please tell me the options available for personal
loans in your bank?”

Bank Employee 1 : “What do you do? How much is the amount you get on a monthly basis?”

(I respond to her questions and tell her the amount that gets transferred to the account, which is in their bank, and then she walks over to another guy)

Bank Employee 2:” No, people who are working abroad cannot get loans, then need .”.(a whole list of things I do not recall)

Me: “I am not working abroad, I am based in Sri Lanka, if you find it difficult to check the possibility based on the monthly deposit to your account, why don’t you tell me the options available for a lawyer?”

Bank Employee 2: “Do you have pay slips for payments?”

(I picture people those who come to magistrate court and pay lawyers 3000LKR per hearing would handing over a pay slip to each of them)

Me: “OK so let’s say there is not a pay slip, what I would like to know is what you offer as a loan scheme for a customer who deposits to your bank account on a regular basis, … amount of money.”

Bank Employee 2:” Why don’t you get a credit card?”

(I wonder what I am trying to achieve through this discussion, the guy obviously does not get my point)

Me: “I am not trying to get a credit card, I just want to know what options I have in case of an emergency by affiliation to your bank.
Bank Employee 2: You will have to talk to the manager.”

So I wait a nice 30 minutes waiting for the manager to get off a phone, and then I walk into the room of a man, in whose company the employee starts stammering.

Bank Manager: “So why do you need to money?”

So I give this hypothetical reasoning of having to travel for work, and being able to pay the loan in less than 2 months.

Bank Manager: “We can’t give loans to people who are employed abroad.”

Me: (No you moron! In my head of course, and try to explain to the guy what the hell I do for a living, and repeat if it so bothers him to consider me as a lawyer and tell me the options available.)

Bank Manager:” How many years of experience as a lawyer do you have?”

So I tell the details all over again.

Bank Manager:” We cannot give a loan to you. Do you have a degree?”

A point of idiocy. How the hell does this man believe I became a lawyer to start with?

Me: “So tell me in short, do you have any loan that is available for a person who is depositing a fixed amount of money to an account in your bank on a monthly basis?”

Bank Manager: “No”
I walk down to write the letter to close my account. No more dealing with Commercial Bank, thank you!

Note: Any recommendation on banks that do allow people to get loans based on their regular bank deposits more than welcome.