I decided to spend a day writing. Been a while since I decided that I would be sitting in one place, and penning down (of course typing down) all those thoughts I should have done for a while. I have been reading a lot on the topic I wanted to write on, without actually writing anything down. He asks me where the article I said I would write was, and I tell him that I am working on it, while talking to him (multi-tasking much!) which is not a lie, but actually a fact. Then again, I get into doing something else, distracted by some email, trying to figure out where money goes in some budgets, where my work life is headed, when might be the due “bye bye” time, and what not. Life is in transition as usual, and I make plans for what is to come, post-winter of course. (Winters are times for caving in, not heading out. I think I have established that I like my temperature moderate, around 16 degrees celsius preferably.)
Epiphany : I like sunflowers! I was clearing up my laptop folders, something like spring-cleaning but more of a digital option I think. Then not exactly in spring. Anyways, I was going through photos, in folders I did not know existed when faces started popping up on my screen, happy faces and sunflowers. I like sunflowers, (yes I know I said this once, no harm in repeating it again, and I love flowers, at least many of them) they are warm and sunny. I like smiles too, they are warm and sunny, though people who smile are not necessarily sunny, or warm for that matter. I decided to keep some of them, just to question my sunny feelings, and possibly the warm feelings. Good I thought, just to have that random check on robot-status or not. “Check! check! Human? Robot? Other?”
And this week has been enlightening. I discovered a few tragedies thanks to my friends. One was genuinely concerned on finding after almost three and half years that I am a single parent. She announced to me that she was shocked at my tragedy, and that she could not believe how this sort of thing could happen to me. Bless her lovely soul for worrying about me, given my indifference to the tragedy, I would be quite worried about myself too. About my emotional status, and not of course about being a single parent. But yes, “Thank you!”
The second tragedy: Finding out I had put on, on my belly and arms to be precise! Thank you to a very observant observer (yes I like to repeat words for emphasis). He wanted to know what had happened to me, what was wrong, and why I had put on. I was pretty sure I had not changed sizes in clothes, and was creeped by the specific analysis of where I had put on as well, the anatomical observation and all that. (Even indifferent women get creeped out by anatomy specific analysis, or yes they do!) I was not sure whether he creeped me more than one of my bosses who once was protesting over my butter consumption over a working breakfast and said, “Ah keep on eating that! You have put on so much here!” (indication to the right side of the waist, by pointing at his belly). So no one needs to doubt how much I consumed that morning, though I ensured I put a load of butter on the piece of bread that was in my hand, and made a show of putting it on the bread as well (for dramatic effect of course). He seemed shocked at my non abiding nature of his wonderful, indispensable advice. As for me, I was immensely pleased with myself.
That being said, I intend to keep today sunny, enjoy the tragedy of being a single parent by introducing Akashiv to his new music teacher who will hopefully be able to make him stay focused for 30 minutes (something many of us successfully fail at, unless he is dancing with us of course), and pray to heavens and what ever else up there, that he would not smash anything in her house which I cannot afford to compensate.
And yes, if you are reading this, thank you for the flowers, and the photos! I like my non-extravagant self being captured over my morning coffee and mails, (even when not voluntarily, though I seem happy) to remind the world that I am a tragedy, by all means, but they might have to deal with it, till I decide to be otherwise! (it being me of course!)