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Vositha's Blog

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Vositha's Blog

Tag Archives: cheating husbands

“A Child’s Right”

28 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by vositha in Fiction

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cheating husbands, divorce, motherhood, parenting, rights of the child

I was seven months pregnant when my husband left me. He was very affectionate on the day of departure, till he boarded the plane. It was the point where I found out that most of the day’s conversation was a lie, there were no parents who were to drop him to the airport, there was no paranoia on my part, he did have another woman, and he knew very well where his priorities lay (though in a completely different order from mine).

I was a little too pregnant, a little too hormonal, a little too dumb to realize it then. But it was the final time I would be speaking to him, and the last time I would hug him (he did hug me tighter than every single one of the hugs before and during marriage). And it was the last day I was a married woman, at least in real life.

Today my son is almost 6 months old. His dad, he has never seen. I hear from gossip that come through telephone calls of anonymity that his dad was around for Christmas, was seen around with another. Others question me of his dad’s second marriage (not too sure how one gets married prior to finalizing his divorce, but well, the common belief lies to the contrary).

My divorce hearings will start soon, in a few days, and I will realize studying law, practicing law and being a party to a legal process are completely different entities which hath no parallel that can be drawn among them. You become your client, you depend on your lawyer, and hope to god that he would not muck up the life, with a judgment call, for you and for your son.

So here I await, the passive person, the drama that would unfold or not.

Life is short, and I believe my husband made a judgment that be right. For his sake of course, but still humans are selfish, and he a little more than others I presume, but yet, I am sure he has his reasons, be it psychological disorders or lack of upbringing, I am sure he hath his reasons. Whether we should be together, if one cannot be faithful to the other, well that is not even worth the words in the question. There be no need to pretend, to go around calling one’s wife a bitch, best be part ways, be with the mistress, marry her, if that is what makes one’s day.

But while I believe in the cause and the pursuit of happiness, I reject taking one’s son’s life in trivial mode, deciding to bring a child to the world, and then running away from responsibility. One could live with cheating on one’s wife, not sure how one lives with abandoning a child.

In future, I shalt leave it to my son to know his dad or not. He may decide whether he would like to pay a visit to the man who left his mother while she carried him in her, and chose to cut ties with both. It would be his choice, and his father’s.

Every child has a right to know his parents, and I shall respect it.

“Mummy you deserve the best!”

26 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

cheating husbands, motherhood, mummy, pregnant women

I haven’t written in a while. I have been busy trying to find out how a man could cheat on his pregnant wife, lie to the world, abandon her and his kid, and never bother to check on either. I have been busy trying to move on from all the suicidal thoughts and the “why me?” thoughts. And I have been busy trying to find answers that I might need to questions my son might ask, when he realises others have fathers whereas he does not, since daddy’s long gone before he was born.

I have not found answers to all of my questions, I am not sure “why me?” but have a few guesses,
a. I was too stupid to believe that a man who would cheat once would stop doing so,
b. I was too stupid to believe a woman would stop messing around with a married man whose wife was pregnant and about to give birth to his son
c. Or the man was just too dumb to realise the value of a family and his child, and preferred to screw around.

Whether it be one, none or all of the above, I am grateful for all those moments of sanity I live today, as opposed to the pensive moments staring at tablets with “to swallow or not to swallow”. I am grateful for the lies I have not to live with and hours of waiting that I do not have to endure for people to turn up home.

Most of all I am blessed with a son who thinks I am the greatest and looks at me with that expression in his eyes, which says “mummy, you deserve the best! And that would be ME!”

“that” mail

30 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by vositha in Relationships

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cheating husbands, child, divorce, marriage, relationships, women

I sent the final e-mail I will ever write to him. I had given it thought, I had waited for him to come to his senses (if he were ever to) to evaluate his decision. I had given him once again the chance to pick, like I always did.

It has been three months since I heard of him and his mistress together, in the land in which he claimed he wanted to move on as he wanted a fresh start. The only thing I did not see in my head was the possibility of being duped again, but I was. I was dragged again, down to those pits within my empty hollow of emotional trauma, three weeks into the delivery of our son. I was,dragged and shattered. One believes many things are possible, even from a man who cheats on you, lies to you and breaks you over and over again. But does not believe a man could sleep with another while you carry his son, at least you choose not to. Out of sheer stupidity of course, but you still choose to think he is a little bit better than what he could turn out to be. And even when proven otherwise, you chose to believe otherwise, out of sheer stupidity, or the faith you carried in your life in people for 28yrs of existence, while reality slaps harsh truth into you, incessantly.

You go through photos of you with the man you once thought loved you, claimed wanted to build a life with you and had a child with you. You come across of a wedding to which he claimed he was forcibly driven to, while he seems happy to have his arm wrapped around you. You feel a melt-down coming your way, which if you could chose would avoid, with prayers that you would not be led in to a break-down.

The first days are the hardest, seeing the baby’s face, and wondering if he would bother to see his son, to call or mail, in the least. With the lapse of a few weeks you realise that he would not. Then begins the figuring out as to how you answer the questions of the world; those ones who decide to love the kid, but still think it’s appropriate to ask that question “so did you hear from the father of the kid?” It is not “from your husband” but “father of the kid”. The world had realised to pick the appropriate, where I had failed. It is a “no” to all the questions. Some offer advice, tell me I should reconsider being with the man ( for the sake of the kid of course, as they put it) They for sure know not the number of emails sent or calls made, at least with the hope of speaking to him, or hearing his voice before his child is born.

One can only type as one’s memory blocks, mind goes blank but finger move on a reflex based meditation. One still types, with questions in one’s mind as to how one ends up where she is at present, how a man could choose a woman he once questioned saying “why would I be with such a woman?” She has only one reply today, “God knows” with doubts whether even God does.

She lives with talk of a woman around her, questions of a man who had chosen to be with “that” woman, and a beautiful child with whom she would move on in life. For October is the month of decisions, decisions which should have been taken a while back, upon hearing of another woman, and being reduced to just an option, and possibly an emotional wreck.

I send out that final mail. That mail he might not even read, or not register in his dead, even if he does. That mail I sent a zillion times, in different versions. And today, sent for the last time, for the sake of the days I spent believing to be loved, then hoping to be loved while bringing a bed tea, and then begging to be loved, while crying to have a few minutes of peace with my cheek on his shoulder while our child moved from within .

I sent that mail, I look at my son, and I give it a day. For I sure doth know I have tried.The mother of a new born, and may be the soon to be divorcee, had tried. She had tried all she could and had decided for their child’s sake, where he had failed but to decide for his sake.

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