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Vositha's Blog

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Vositha's Blog

Tag Archives: divorce

Women’s Day: Late Post

10 Tuesday Mar 2020

Posted by vositha in Random Moments of Life

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Tags

being happy, divorce, domestic violence, happiness, marriage, rape, women, WomensDay

I was typing on Women’s Day when someone decided to interrupt, which changed the focus of what I wanted to write.

As usual, something that someone needed clarified at 12.30am (thank you very much!) because someone said, something (another thank you!) which needed to be double checked with me, on whether I said something like that, at midnight (thank you again!)

(And I did write a few more things, and erased. I have learnt that I should not publish things which I might regret later.And of course, changed the title a few times, based on what I was typing/ not typing/ should have been typing. According to me of course.)

I shall move back to the gist of what I wanted to say, as part of the Women’s Day Post. What I was hoping to type in a bit more detailed manner. Which I won’t now, cz I am starting to get sleepy (something strange for me, but much appreciated).

So here goes, a few things I have learnt in life, in the last 10 years:

  1. Being divorced is not the end of life. You could restart your life on getting a divorce, than live a life of misery with a wrong person.
  2. Being a single mother is not something to be ashamed of. If you are a single parent, due to a divorce, being unmarried, because your spouse is not alive, if you are doing what is best for your child, then you are doing things right. Your child will love you for it.
  3. What people say about you, what they think of you do not matter. What matters is what makes you happy, keeps you healthy, and successful. Focus on you, and not other people’s opinions. You cannot make everyone happy.
  4. Getting raped is not your fault. A no is a NO. You have the right to say no. Rape does not demean you. You should not blame yourself for another’s behavior.
  5. You should not tolerate domestic violence – be it physical or verbal. No one has the right to subject you to violence, and there is no justifiable reason for it.
  6. Educate yourself, gather knowledge through out life. We learn things on a daily basis. And it helps improve ourselves, as well as those around us.
  7. Be able to stand on your own feet. Be financially independent.
  8. Be able to say no to money – even millions. Sometimes, money is not everything. But also be able to be afford what you need in life. (Back to point 7 when in doubt)
  9. End of a relationship, a marriage is not the end of life. Nor is failing an exam, something you tried to achieve and did not.
  10. You will find love, meet interesting people. Be able to be happy with where you are in life, what you have become. Be able to look at yourself and be proud, for all that you are. 

We are not perfect humans, but we can be happy ones, in spite of it. And more for later. For when I am not sleepy.

Oh and smile! (Easier to do so in life, than not to. At least what I think).

1

Divorcee, single parent, smiling me.  Evidence that every day is a new beginning, and that we can always change life’s course with our choices, you we really want to.

 

” I never loved you!”

16 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

break-up, cheating husband, divorce, end of marriage, love

It was funny to read those words, but they were there, in one of those mails that he sent her.

It had taken him 9 months to write to her. He had maintained his silence through his child’s birth, through the divorce, and then he decides to break it. For what cause? To tell her that he never loved her. The man who claimed he would not know what he would do with his life if something were to happen to her, the man who kept typing “I love you” every two minutes on sms or chat, had decided to come clean of his lies, and decided to state how he really felt for her.

“What you need to realize is that I never loved you.”

She only smiled.

“A Child’s Right”

28 Thursday Feb 2013

Posted by vositha in Fiction

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cheating husbands, divorce, motherhood, parenting, rights of the child

I was seven months pregnant when my husband left me. He was very affectionate on the day of departure, till he boarded the plane. It was the point where I found out that most of the day’s conversation was a lie, there were no parents who were to drop him to the airport, there was no paranoia on my part, he did have another woman, and he knew very well where his priorities lay (though in a completely different order from mine).

I was a little too pregnant, a little too hormonal, a little too dumb to realize it then. But it was the final time I would be speaking to him, and the last time I would hug him (he did hug me tighter than every single one of the hugs before and during marriage). And it was the last day I was a married woman, at least in real life.

Today my son is almost 6 months old. His dad, he has never seen. I hear from gossip that come through telephone calls of anonymity that his dad was around for Christmas, was seen around with another. Others question me of his dad’s second marriage (not too sure how one gets married prior to finalizing his divorce, but well, the common belief lies to the contrary).

My divorce hearings will start soon, in a few days, and I will realize studying law, practicing law and being a party to a legal process are completely different entities which hath no parallel that can be drawn among them. You become your client, you depend on your lawyer, and hope to god that he would not muck up the life, with a judgment call, for you and for your son.

So here I await, the passive person, the drama that would unfold or not.

Life is short, and I believe my husband made a judgment that be right. For his sake of course, but still humans are selfish, and he a little more than others I presume, but yet, I am sure he has his reasons, be it psychological disorders or lack of upbringing, I am sure he hath his reasons. Whether we should be together, if one cannot be faithful to the other, well that is not even worth the words in the question. There be no need to pretend, to go around calling one’s wife a bitch, best be part ways, be with the mistress, marry her, if that is what makes one’s day.

But while I believe in the cause and the pursuit of happiness, I reject taking one’s son’s life in trivial mode, deciding to bring a child to the world, and then running away from responsibility. One could live with cheating on one’s wife, not sure how one lives with abandoning a child.

In future, I shalt leave it to my son to know his dad or not. He may decide whether he would like to pay a visit to the man who left his mother while she carried him in her, and chose to cut ties with both. It would be his choice, and his father’s.

Every child has a right to know his parents, and I shall respect it.

Protected: “Married and Marred”

03 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by vositha in Relationships

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Tags

abandoning child, cheating on wife, divorce

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“that” mail

30 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by vositha in Relationships

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Tags

cheating husbands, child, divorce, marriage, relationships, women

I sent the final e-mail I will ever write to him. I had given it thought, I had waited for him to come to his senses (if he were ever to) to evaluate his decision. I had given him once again the chance to pick, like I always did.

It has been three months since I heard of him and his mistress together, in the land in which he claimed he wanted to move on as he wanted a fresh start. The only thing I did not see in my head was the possibility of being duped again, but I was. I was dragged again, down to those pits within my empty hollow of emotional trauma, three weeks into the delivery of our son. I was,dragged and shattered. One believes many things are possible, even from a man who cheats on you, lies to you and breaks you over and over again. But does not believe a man could sleep with another while you carry his son, at least you choose not to. Out of sheer stupidity of course, but you still choose to think he is a little bit better than what he could turn out to be. And even when proven otherwise, you chose to believe otherwise, out of sheer stupidity, or the faith you carried in your life in people for 28yrs of existence, while reality slaps harsh truth into you, incessantly.

You go through photos of you with the man you once thought loved you, claimed wanted to build a life with you and had a child with you. You come across of a wedding to which he claimed he was forcibly driven to, while he seems happy to have his arm wrapped around you. You feel a melt-down coming your way, which if you could chose would avoid, with prayers that you would not be led in to a break-down.

The first days are the hardest, seeing the baby’s face, and wondering if he would bother to see his son, to call or mail, in the least. With the lapse of a few weeks you realise that he would not. Then begins the figuring out as to how you answer the questions of the world; those ones who decide to love the kid, but still think it’s appropriate to ask that question “so did you hear from the father of the kid?” It is not “from your husband” but “father of the kid”. The world had realised to pick the appropriate, where I had failed. It is a “no” to all the questions. Some offer advice, tell me I should reconsider being with the man ( for the sake of the kid of course, as they put it) They for sure know not the number of emails sent or calls made, at least with the hope of speaking to him, or hearing his voice before his child is born.

One can only type as one’s memory blocks, mind goes blank but finger move on a reflex based meditation. One still types, with questions in one’s mind as to how one ends up where she is at present, how a man could choose a woman he once questioned saying “why would I be with such a woman?” She has only one reply today, “God knows” with doubts whether even God does.

She lives with talk of a woman around her, questions of a man who had chosen to be with “that” woman, and a beautiful child with whom she would move on in life. For October is the month of decisions, decisions which should have been taken a while back, upon hearing of another woman, and being reduced to just an option, and possibly an emotional wreck.

I send out that final mail. That mail he might not even read, or not register in his dead, even if he does. That mail I sent a zillion times, in different versions. And today, sent for the last time, for the sake of the days I spent believing to be loved, then hoping to be loved while bringing a bed tea, and then begging to be loved, while crying to have a few minutes of peace with my cheek on his shoulder while our child moved from within .

I sent that mail, I look at my son, and I give it a day. For I sure doth know I have tried.The mother of a new born, and may be the soon to be divorcee, had tried. She had tried all she could and had decided for their child’s sake, where he had failed but to decide for his sake.

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