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Vositha's Blog

~ a story of life, love and other things

Vositha's Blog

Tag Archives: gynaecologist

Abortion : A hypothesis

18 Tuesday Sep 2012

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

abortion, gynaecologist, illegal, pro life, rape, Sri Lanka

I was seated waiting for my number to be called at the doctor when through the slightly open door of the gynaecologist in the other room, I could see two patients at the table talking to him. One an elderly woman of around 50yrs of age, while the other possibly in her early 20s or not yet out of school. In boredom I drifted off to a hypothesis and possibilities of their identities.

In my head the elderly woman was the mum, and the other of course her daughter, and the doctor was in his serious mood, a rare occurrence I presumed. The story in my head weaves as I wait, the nurse been asked to step out while the conversation goes on, awaits its end, with an expression of sullen annoyance on. After a good half an hour the two step out, and the mum instructs the girl to worship the doctor. She still remains annoyed, but looks relieved. The girl coming out, seems happy, and sans scruples.

As my hypothesis continues, the only explanation I could think of was the possibility of a mum and daughter who had come in search of an abortion, being answered in the positive. Blame me for the twisted creativity of my mind, but in my boredom, waiting in a crowded room filled with sick beings, I preferred my assumption to the possibly contradicting reality of the circumstances. I imagined that one mother and daughter who had come in seek of relief, regarding an unwanted pregnancy had been answered, or given directions as to how they could find their solace without depending on the mercy of a jackass who possibly got the girl pregnant but did not want to man up and accept his kid. I liked to think that the girl who yet didn’t seem to have the capacity to raise a kid on her own, was not to be burdened with her charge, and then in turn was not to end up dragging a kid’s life into misery in the process. I like to think of it all, in my way of thinking. Not because I am not pro life, but because I have seen what women go through in trying to find a way out of a miserable life they might end up in, thanks to morality and laws that would not evolve, while the world around has moved on.

I think of the woman I know who bore a kid from the man who raped her, her brother who took the kid into his family as his to be exposed to the world, so that his sister could continue her studies and have a life. She ended up supporting the kid nevertheless, as he was hers, though the genes of the dad seemed evident, with the kid getting into trouble since his early teens, and turning his back on any form of education attempted to be given to him. Her destiny was decided a good 18 years ago, when she could not ask for an abortion, even while a medical student. May be she was scared, maybe she was in shock, ma be I just do not know what truly went in her mind. But then have things changed much over those years? Though one wishes to answer in the positive, evidence proves otherwise. Asking the question of the possibility of an abortion is enough to cause embarrassment, to be ridiculed, preached and scolded with unsolicited lectures handed over.

I wonder when the world has moved on with the right to choose why we lag behind preaching and making lives miserable for those who cannot but end up turning for illegal abortion options, risking their lives. Why preach when ears are not open to hear, but not help when it is help that be needed? In my hypothesis of what went in that room with a doctor and two women, I gained respect for the man who would have given some hope to those two individuals of a future that was less bleak. Even had he not agreed to perform the task, I still respected the man for asking the nurse to step out and not evesdrop on the conversation which would have been difficult enough to have, and which would have been made more uncomfortable in the presence of a third party.

“Number 17!”

I respond to my calling, walk in, leaving the slightly open door behind, and with it the rest of my imagination.

“Continuing on Miss and Mrs..”

21 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

contraceptive pills. condoms, gynaecologist, pregnancy, sex, sexually transmitted disease

So the blog post I wrote on how the titles matter or NOT have cause a few opinions to come forth. While one of my friends in the medical profession claimed that in any receipt or form the title being correctly put would play a key role, as some people are pretty anal about being considered Miss when Mrs, or vice versa another one of my friends claimed that one of her friends had been even refused medical care upon answering in the negative to the question “are you married?” So if you are wondering what am I ranting on about here goes the story of one girl living in the city of Colombo, unmarried and seeking medical advice. In the midst of that interaction another friend provided me this story.

So let’s call this person Nadi. Nadi has apparently had doubts whether she was having a sexually transmitted disease, and hence wanted to get a medical opinion. She goes to a gynaecologist and explains her situation. The doctor asks her “are you married?” and she says “no”. The result: the appointment is at an end, she is refused treatment and left with her continuing woe of not knowing if has or has not a sexually transmitted disease. Kind of obscenely weird I must say, but then again it has been an actual occurrence and lived by a person living in the city of Colombo.

However among such doctors, there are also those who do not pay attention to details of marriage and would just take the medical issue of concern to concentration. I have been blessed to have such from my gynaecologist, and he has been pretty open about lot of things, while making me feel comfortable about my pregnancy. Though I am married, he has not ever asked me if I was or not, and even upon noting the absence of the paternal party of late, he has been like “chill men! Kid’s are strong, you take care of yourself!” I respect the man for not trying to make me feel worse than I should given my plight, and for making me feel reassured. Focus on the issue and not other rubbish, seems to be his motto. I am grateful that there are doctors like him. I think I am lucky, while some of us seem to end up with a bad dose of medical experts who try to force down people’s throats, their moral dilemmas and discriminate those who come to them for medical advice.

However the deal does not seem to be restricted to the hospitals alone. It extends to pharmacies when one needs to purchase contraceptive pills, where the supplier of medicine glances at the fingers to check the wedding ring and then provide one of those condescending looks that your great grandmother would give.

I wonder what it is like for men to buy condoms in Sri Lankan shops. Not sure if they also go through the same drama or is it just a privileged allocated to women. Then again is this pharmacist’s attitude which cause Sri Lankan’s to have unprotected sex? One never knows, but it could be a possible factor which plays a role. On speaking of sex, my father in law provided me with a wonderful statement which is a little short of being divine “ men will say things, but good women should know how to behave!” I think he kind of summed up the society’s opinion of sex and the fault game in one line. Men will have sex, it is upto the woman to NOT have sex!

So yes, I am sure that the Miss and Mrs plays a part in people’s lives and forms filled, but upon hearing the stories it does seem to be weighing a little too much on people’s lives as sometimes your status of marriage seem to block you from accessing medical advice or gaining treatment where it be necessary. Time for some thinking, don’t you think?

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