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Vositha's Blog

~ a story of life, love and other things

Vositha's Blog

Tag Archives: indifference

Of Circles and Cycles

12 Monday Oct 2015

Posted by vositha in Random Moments of Life, Relationships

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Tags

hypocrisy, indifference, letting go, relationships

Life is in circles, of cycles. I start, I walk, and I return to the same starting point (of no point). Similar people, in search of temporary ego boosts of affection. Much predictable, them and I( No surprise!)

Life moves, I move, from things, people and the person (the usual, shutting myself out. Hide away from trouble! Run! Run! Run! To the cave! Run!). Indifference, boredom, stagnation, and then nothingness. I was on phase three. It had arrived too fast, with too much ease, and lack of effort. It becomes too easy when things get clearer, empty words, and inaction. Typing be easier, than any effort. You hate words, you hate lines of words, you hate paragraphs. And you hate those words that were typed to indicate closeness, meaningless closeness, of words of senselessness.

Walk away, far away, from trouble. Of hypocrisy, and words.

girl

“Nocturnal”

26 Tuesday Feb 2013

Posted by vositha in Fiction, Relationships

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Tags

indifference, kiss, moments

He was at his nocturnal rounds, pacing in all aimlessness. She seated at the steps, with puffs of smoke that blow without rhythm, interrupted by occasional coughing. A sign that reminded her that She had lost touch with her inner being, i.e. the tobacco being. She tried thinking Zen as his steps be heard around her.

His t-shirt, she did not like. But, kept mum, she was too tired. He was becoming tiring. Or rather had become tiring. Pacing slows, gives way to words.

“I am going to bed” he says.

“ahuh”.

Nothing more nothing less.

A kiss on the shoulder she feels but remains the statue she was, the whole night, while he toyed with emotions with indifference.

“You want me to leave the pack for you?” his voice, questions, no answers.

A kiss on the forehead. A shadow lost in the shadows in the dark.

Cigarette butts in hand, she walked, to the sea.

“Is it you, me or just the weather?”

31 Tuesday May 2011

Posted by vositha in Random Moments of Life, Relationships

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Tags

depressed, emotions, indifference, love, me, mum, relationships, you

You say you do not know what emotions are, and that it is all your mother’s fault. I wonder what that woman did to you, for you to blame the world on her. Get tired of your indifference, the one you claim to have acquired from her.

You say she does not love you. I think it is the stupidest thing I ever heard. What mother would not love her own child. Then again, it is you. And maybe you are an exception (at least in your imagination)

I hear of your daily fights with her. I think “at least she fights”. I don’t. Cz I am just tired. Tired of trying. Life with you has taught me that it ain’t worth it.

I do what I do best: wonder.

I wonder if it is you, me or just the depressed weather?

Silence and Emptiness

20 Sunday Mar 2011

Posted by vositha in Random Moments of Life, Relationships

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Tags

blankness, emptiness, indifference, insomnia, love, mother and child, rant, silence

I listen in silence. I have not much to say of late. I think I have run out of things to tell you. Or have just lost interest. Either way, silence seems wonderful.

You do not seem to notice, or notice at times, and ask me what’s up with your “moko?” the ever famous expression to any expression of affection or frustration. I just shrug, of late I am too tired to respond. The place seems too cramped and the couch a little out of place.

You keep talking, and laughing. I wonder how easy it must be for you, to be able to tell the story and then laugh at it on your own. I smile, as be required. And say something that is expected. Those moments of polite intervals disturbed by a nod of my head or a “mmm” of my voice.

Observing has become a past time. The way someone can laugh and then just not notice the emptiness within another I find fascinating. You tell me “ I laugh not at you, with you!” at those moments where my patience be lacking, and emotions be evident on my face despite great effort.

You smile, and I think of a child. The child that I heard wailing while his mum beat him with a stick. I heard the wind that slammed against that stick that stung his skin. Well the child cried, and you laugh. But I still fail to see a difference. I wanted to strangle that mother who caused the brat that pain. Then again I remember seeing the kid later on, clinging on to her, fighting to win a moment of her attention. And notice of course her blatant indifference. Why do I remember that when I look at you? Baffling, but be it what crosses my mind.

Moments of silence from me, and rants from you. A reversal of roles. I do what I do best at blankness. Lean on your shoulder, block those words that I pretend to hear, which I never seem to hear, and immerse myself in that emptiness, grateful for the warmth I feel against your shoulder, and that smell of familiarity which I have of late learnt to love.

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