Tag Archives: pain

Day 3 and / Day 4

08 Tuesday May 2012

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I like the 8th of every month. For some reason they treat me well. Despite a night of body pains and waking up unable to move my fingers without pain, I was glad enough that I managed to write two papers, without staring at a blank page for a good one and a half hours.

Lot of things don’t seem to affect me of late, emotionally I mean. I came out of the examination to find an SMS received stating that I won’t be picked. But I had already made up my mind to call a cab, thus no heartache over a lost ride home or lost time spent over lunch. I do not get hurt when I meet someone after days, and when I start telling the most important thing that comes to my mind, the volume of the stereo being increased. Silent message, I like this song/ I do not want to hear your story. The older me would have got hurt, thrown a tantrum and reduced the volume and had a long one sided conversation on how rude it was to do such, and that I was being ignored. The new me, just shut up. If the person needed to hear the story he would have questioned on it, no questions, meaning I was wasting time and words. I do not get affected by my phone not ringing, or the non buzzing of SMS that are not received. Time is precious, I address bigger issues such as rent that needs to be paid, debts that need to be covered and then life that needs to be lived.

So yes, as I was saying 8th is a good day. Mum is back home, and complaining away and bugging everyone to their limits of patience. Her first statement upon arrival concerns me and a dog. I am not to put food for the dog outside, as it would vomit on the balcony. I think the puppy has sensed her arrival and has refrained from his daily visit in the night where he played guard the last few weeks when dad was playing nurse. I miss the puppy more than I miss a lot of things. It keeps coming to me, even if I keep shutting him out, and wags its tail and does a whole dance for me. I wonder if dogs can sense our inner most thoughts. He comes and does an “I need more attention session” every time I am feeling down. I think it is an intelligent dog. His quality of wagging its tail to the whole neighborhood, signifies that. “I come in peace, give me affection and food!” (my interception of its behavior of course)

The third day of my new life, almost at an end. Another day accomplished, pros and cons weighed, I think I can live with what I am getting in life. After all, who can complain on a day, which is the 8th of the month!

PS. Apparently I have skipped day, which means I am definitely losing my mind. So edit of the title, this has to be a combination of day 3 and day 4 me thinks 🙂

Abortion : “It’s all her fault!”

18 Wednesday May 2011

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It was like revisiting one of those crime scenes. The women crawling in corners, and wriggling in pain. The blank looks, and the suffering on their faces. She remembered them, those faces and that suffering. She felt helpless for those whose faces were drawn with fear, and loss.

She did not know how to help any, let alone help herself.

They called it a clinic, but it was more like a slaughter house. Hygiene, safety all lost. But women visiting out of desperation, to get some relief, to get rid of those unwanted lives growing within them.

Do they even want to go through it? she knew not. She did not have the courage to ask. She was a mere witness of the horror that flowed or followed.

May be she was raped, or maybe she already had too many kids. May be she had a jackass of a boyfriend who did not believe in being a father to the child he gave. So many options, so many presumptions, available and just flowing in the air. One too many I say.

She just stared, a spectator of crimes being committed, every 30 minutes, one woman after another, walking up the stairs, then walking out in a bloodstained cloth. They just walk out, on their own, the stains of blood, the stains of their lost virtue, pride and dignity. The depression is yet to flow, and they will embrace it, or they will walk off, out of that ugly image, indifferent, emotionless or unbroken. May be life moves on for them. May be life is simple, clear cut, and not worth comprehension. May be they just do not think, analyse, or rather, over analyse.

The night is beautiful. He keeps on talking, holding her hand. “It’s all her fault! I mean don’t these women believe in the pill?” She just looks at him. Suddenly seeing him in a different light. “I am all for legalising abortion, but this, this is disgusting..” and the rest of the words just get drowned, in those ugly images of the slaughter house, where she was seated waiting for her friend, to walk out safe.

The smell of blood, the pain on their faces, the feelings and the fear. The loss of a loved one wanted, thanks to a moron. The tears that flow down her cheeks, the tears of feeling a slut, and hugging the friend as she sobs. All gush in.

It was not “her” fault! She knows it.

And just  for a moment, she just hated him with all the love she had in her heart.