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Vositha's Blog

~ a story of life, love and other things

Vositha's Blog

Monthly Archives: July 2011

CANSA and I ..

31 Sunday Jul 2011

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

CAN, CANSA, CANSA AGM, climate change, Grassrooted, reproductive health, SLYCAN, Sri Lankan delegation to CANSA

For all those folk who are wondering what CANSA is, it has nothing to do with CANCER. (though the thought I presume might have entered your head) It stands for Climate Action Network South Asia. (Yes there is a CAN international too) They always say that it is good to start off with an intro and a little understanding on what one writes on (rather goes on, in my case that is) , and hence the few lines above. For those to whom, who might be familiar with my writing, well this one might be different as I will strive not to look high on stupidity, yes her highness tries to make an effort to look calm and sane, and sound sane too, as this might be read by sane people.

So the venture begins of my writing and not ranting. Have not written anything of late, no rants either. (I bet that is appreciated) Any ho w I have packed and left after a while, and not with much time to pack bags or preparation either. Here I am back in Nepal in the mountains to attend to climate change. (ok that sounded a little too hyperbole, but you do get what I mean I presume) So my weekly blog post for Grassrooted is on hold, (no reproductive health this week) instead I focus on what be around me. Yes I focus on the climate, not a bad idea i think..(though reproduction and climate change do have a connection, as I do highlight always)

On a serious note, the AGM of CANSA is happening today in Nepal. And we are a team of 7 from Sri Lanka representing different organisations here. Quite an experience so far I must say. Apart from the 10 hour Mumbai transit where I was woken up like every hour while trying to catch my sleep by airport’s very nice ladies, who presumed I am the type to miss a flight, cause they went on asking “ Flight blah blah airways, Miss, are you taking the flight blah blah”. Happened not once but a zillion times. Guess I do look a person who is prone to miss flights even in my sleep. (sigh)

Coming back to again the point of contention ( I think I am sounding off again here), apart from packing off in a rush and dumping a few research work I am glad I am here as I am learning things already. I was quite impressed with Mr. Ashoka from the Enery Forum. (mental note: find his surname) He seems to know loads, which I seem not to know much of. Ranga and Bathiya talks on technical terms which I am getting used to use on a frequent basis. Now that of SLYCAN has aN professional entity and not benevolent youth, me thinks this might get jolly handy. It is a good change I presume and hope it would lead to more productive post in the future ( I am referring to my use of abbreviations, in case you did get confused on the way. No worries, happens all the time when one reads me, or talks to me, or hangs out with me. Best solution, not try to focus on the constant high element or the weirdness and to make an attempt at reconstructing the elements which I rant on, then again, I am sure you do have lot of matters to attend to as well. (mental note: try to stick to basics, and not talk nonsense in the future)

I talk to Ranga on the way. (He seemed chirpy as he has this expertise of getting sleep despite being in an airport, an airplane or a bus) I like him, not for his that ability but for the ever appreciation of my random facts (or the endurance of it). I talk to him of the policy workshop that is to take place, in September, and how the professional session might be converted to CANSA Sri Lanka gathering. He nods his head, and provides the possibility option. I think I am cool with that ( for the time being)

It is good to be with people who seem to know what they are doing. You learn in the process and feel less stupid. And it is also good to people who work on the same lines as you do. I was glad to meet other organisations who are working in the same field, and to realise that partnerships are ever present to do the good work. It is quite funny how long one can be working as one entity within their organisational structure and not see those who are outside doing similar work. A small chat, a random line can open up to a tremendous amount of knowledge…

So yes, in a few hours the AGM shalt start, and I shalt try not to get late. Need not accumulate others’ wrath. I am looking forward to this. And might bug you all with my rants on what I like if I do manage to “rally up” enough dollars to pay my internet fees. (24 USD for a day, and 12 USD for an hour) yeah, me from the developing side of the world doth have hardships financing that aspect.

So behold the semi rant and semi attempt at seriousness. I shalt try my best to be serious and not act serious in the future and type out some proper quotes of those who know better speaking. (I used to type out people’s conversations in the past, and put them up on the blog, of course to their greatest displeasure, but then again, this time it is in the name of “education”) So yea, I shall help with that attempt at education and awareness, and who said eves dropping and putting them on blogs did not help the cause?? I mean isn’t that what people call journalism these days??

“tears and tear stains”

14 Thursday Jul 2011

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

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It’s been a while since I felt this shit. At times you realise you fake a lot of things. Smiles and emotions, happiness and contentment. I of late have become really good at many of those. Including endurance of physical pain.

Feeling empty has not been anything new. But I feel it more of late. Sonali tells me I am moody, while others disagree. May be they see those fake smiles while she does not.

As my stomach cramps get worse, while I feel the pits of depression, I wonder why. I wonder why I put myself through many things I do. Why I am alone when I do wish I had someone. Where all these people were, those who were around when I least needed them to be around, and do not bother to grace my suffering with a call while they choose to send me random text messages which I could do without.

I like those moments of solitude. I like those moments, and I like that solitary me. At least tears made sense at those moments. While right now they don’t.

I wonder what each person’s role be in my life. What kind of relationship I have with them. Where they fit in, and where I fit in. I wonder if they ever bother as much as I would bother. Probably not. Not that I bother. Well not now at least. Pointless, painful task of analysis. I usually embark on such, but venture to do otherwise of late.

Stupidity shining through photos, emotions that are warped, doubts and desires and forbidden attractions. A bundle of one two many. Cheeks of tear stains, dried up tears and silenced pain.

Life has changed. Or has it? I fail to comprehend. And I refuse to comprehend.

The phone rings for a change. And I realise nothing has changed. Sonali pops up on the screen. Not sure how she does it. But funny how life leads me to her, at the worse moments of life…may be telepathy does work. I am glad it does work, at least between some people.

Smiles, Smirks and Sunshine..

09 Saturday Jul 2011

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

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It’s been years since she last saw his face. In real life or through those photos. The two of them smiling at some random joke or some random awkwardness . It’s been a while, quite a while. But it did not seem the case.

There was something about those images, the different places, but the same smile flashing through. She used to like it back then. Not anymore. It was just a reflex action to think back every time she saw those hugs, and think of all the good things that were to happen and then the bad things that were to follow.

Tired she is, was, and is, and will be. Time does not change much. Neither did she.

She had realised of late that she was good at being fixated. Fixated on randomness and emptiness, jack asses and jerks of all calibre. Some help her psycho analysis did. Freud and fixation, that was her theory, she believed in it. Not at all times, occasionally, just at times.

Flash backs of nights of pretext, nights of long chats of talks of loneliness and phobic moments. Dogs, seas and cats he was scared of. Heights, mountains and hypocrisy he seemed to like. She loved the dogs, the seas and the mountains. She loved them all the same. Without much discrimination.

Smiles, smirks and sunshine. She was used to. She has not seen much of the first or the latter in a while. At least not on his face, nor when he was around. He sucked both of those in, her smiles and the moments of sunshine. Glares and gloom that followed. They were not much fun. So she thought.

Emptiness and lousiness. Hopelessness and hatred, omnipresent.
A click, and smiles gone forever. Off the screen. Off the face, a long while back. His and hers. He seemed to have found his elsewhere. Hers she was in the process of finding. May be for her own good. Learning to trust and smiling out of trust, not the easiest of late. But she learns. Slowly, she does learn, or at least tries to learn.

She’s had her doubts before. But for once, she was glad.

She was glad she had made her decision. She was glad she was in bed and not at the wedding. She was glad she never took photographs. At least since HE happened.

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