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Vositha's Blog

~ a story of life, love and other things

Vositha's Blog

Monthly Archives: December 2013

Wisdom from 2013

31 Tuesday Dec 2013

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

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2013, Akashiv, love, moving on after divorce, single mum

Three things I have learnt in 2013:

  1. I love my son, I love him  “a lot!”

People often ask me how difficult it is being a single mum. Well the answer depends on the day you ask the question. Then again, one things remains a constant, and that being the fact that having Akashiv has been the most amazing experience. He has shown me how altruistic kids could be. He would feed me first when he is given food, dance with me every day with no complains till he falls asleep with his head on my shoulder, and read to me his book with the alphabet and numbers. Despite all the travel I have been on during the year, he has been an understanding little one who would poke around to check what mummy has brought him from wherever she had been and wave around and scream in joy upon seeing me, however much haggard I would look after hours of travel. Many ask me whether my son recognises me after my travel, all I know is a kid never forgets his mum, at least not my little one!

2. Work can keep one busy, and sane!

Sure divorce ain’t a joke, and starting afresh is an uphill climb. But working on something you believe in can make a huge difference. One might be sceptical about this, but sometimes the only thing that keeps you sane after a major change in life, is being a workaholic. Oh yeah, and a leap of faith to go with it!

3. You can fall in love!

Divorce is not the end of life! No it isn’t! We make choices in life which might not be the best, but there is always space for improvement. Being a divorcee or a single parent is not the worst thing in the planet, it is a fresh start from what might have been a miserable life of pretext. And trust me one does find love. There are decent people in the world, who would adore you for who you are! Once again, a little trust in one’s self, a little respect for one’s self, and yes, one moves on! At least that is what I believe in!

So  nothing too glamourous to sign up for the year, but just a write-up or more of a wrap-up of the wisdom the year has offered me.

Wish you all a very happy new year! May the world find more commitment for good deeds, and less time for pettiness!

LDP Fellows: A Christmas Wish!

27 Friday Dec 2013

Posted by vositha in Random Moments of Life, UNFCCC

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Andrey Ferum, Ange Baimey, Climate Action Network International, climate change, Henrietta Imelda, Lama Gaddar, Leadership Development Fellowship, Sixbert Mwanga

I met them at different times. Lama when she woke me up by walking into the room. She looks at me, and says “You are so beautiful! Where are you from?” Being the woman I am, and the instincts functioning the same way that any woman’s does, a long term friendship was born instantaneously.  Over the numerous times I fell over because I stepped on her shoes, and the numerous times I would order pizza at 2am or go for a walk for sheesha, we had developed a friendship which has put Lebanon on my mind’s map for my whole life time.

Sixbert, I met while waiting for a cab with Wael, and Lama, to head to the QNCC where COP18 negotiations happened. He was holding his briefcase, if I am not mistaken, and introduced himself to me. He later tells me that he thought I was a “sophisticated” person on first seeing me. To date, I have not come to understand what the hell he meant by that expression. But in him, I found openings for projects, where I could contribute. Hearing his stories of Tanzania, and how education costs so little, but man cannot afford it, made me realise that there is a lot we could do to help out.  Today we speak of his new work, his lectures in university, and his Phd studies. Or we don’t speak at all, since he would have said something to piss me off, and I would take my own time to cool off, but I know I have a friend in Africa, who would not find my plans for a better world to be nonsensical, and would actually want to help me implement them.

Ange, I forget when I first met. I think years back, and then again in Doha. He is the guy who would speak French, and speak of the Francophone in the UNFCCC process. Ivory Coast, human rights, his life, and my child we discussed. He would be part of the program, and briefly out of it, to return again. We speak of issues on gender, different perceptions on life and work, and how the world sees us, how the colour of the skin plays or does not play a role. Most importantly   how he could develop a CAN node in his country, so that climate change work would have more focus. Sincerity be the protocol, and Ange respects it at all times. Another friend for life earned, when he and Sixbert put their negotiation tracking on hold to come say good bye to me. I hope I see you soon, in some corner of the world!

Imelda, aka Henrietta, my Kebab buddy, and salad shopping buddy.  Hailing from Indonesia she is seen around the UNFCCC corridors with her backpack, fully equipped to live a day or two in the venue if needed, and with tons of knowledge that would be distributed at any time upon request. One of the hardest working women I have ever met, and one of the most knowledgeable, and one I know I could count on to answer any of my questions related to policy. The number of times I would have bugged her on gaining a simplification on something related to Climate Finance or Mitigation is a little too large to keep count of. But what I would not forget is her support with all my stupid ventures including the intellectual, while holding a basket full of groceries while I chat to a cute super market worker.  Every day she surprises me with some random fact, the last I remember would be about how she blew up a lab facility in the Shell office in Amsterdam. Long live Imelda!

Andrey was the scientist among us. He would talk of Ukrainian power plants, and nuclear energy. I would get explanations on hot air and Belarus and Ukraine based policies. He would entertain me with walks when I am bored, with his long hair blowing in the wind, and talk about how women wear cute shoes in Germany as opposed to other places.  One with his priorities properly set, he knows what he wants, and abides by it. I am amazed at times by your capacity to keep focus!

And there was also Enrique from Argentina, the guy who had all the energy after a full day of sessions to find where be it a venue for Latin dancing. Everyone knows him, his reputation precedes him, and my words not sufficient to describe him. Where did I meet him first? Surprisingly Sri Lanka!

A year’s fellowship has come to an end. But it seems that I have gained friends for a life time, and built bridges across the world to make good work come true!  It has certainly put Lebanon, Tanzania, Ivory Coast, Indonesia and Ukraine on my map of the world.

Here’s to many climate projects, humanitarian projects, or just nonsensical projects! For all those we are part of, will definitely succeed to change the world for the best!

You guys rock!

“Do you miss me?”

05 Thursday Dec 2013

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

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Aiden calls. It was my last day in Nepal, and I was trying to get some sleep, for a change. But the room service staff had already spoilt it for me, with their enthusiasm to clean my room. I wish they had the same enthusiasm to clear up the room when I was not in it, so that I would not have to walk into the mess I usually create in an attempt to get ready in 5 minutes, prior to running down for a 2 minute breakfast. Well, have not been too lucky of late! In any sense for that matter I think.

His voice woke me up instantly. I had not spoken to him since I left Sri Lanka. I checked the time and realised that it was late night where he be. Thirty seconds of silence followed by the hello, till I asked him whether he was drunk. (That was the usual time he would call me to express his emotions which he would not be sure of later). He does not respond for a while, and replies with another question, “What’s happening?”

I tell him that I am in Kathmandu, safe and sound as can be, and my usual insane self, and that I walked around Thamel, passing “Tom and Jerry” a place which was not unfamiliar to the both of us (despite the fact that he was piss drunk the night we were there.)

He listens, and I have a vague idea of what he would be thinking. But I refrain from pursuing that line of conversation. I was not in a mood to get him annoyed, have another fight, and then spoil my day.

“You having fun?”

“Not the type of fun, you keep referring to!”I reply.

Another silence.

“You better sleep yea? Work tomorrow for you.”I say, being my usual nanny-self. Kathmandu had revived the nanny in me, with memories of keeping count of his alcohol consumption, and ensuring that he would not go fight with someone, in my absence.

“Yeah, you take care. Will speak soon,” he says.

Then, just before I hung up on him, that question of confusion.

“Tell me, do you miss me?”

“Thamel”

04 Wednesday Dec 2013

Posted by vositha in Random Moments of Life, Relationships

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Tags

Aiden, Kathmandu, love, Nostalgia, Thamel

She talks, and I listen. The pack of cigarettes half emptied, and a half filled glass in front of me. I think of the coat left behind, while tightening the thin sweater that I had remained my only option.

Our lives do not seem much different despite the years in difference, and my son being an element in my life. Her nostalgia, seemed similar in certain ways, the over-analysis of relationships, the stress, the frustrations, and in short, life that happened, that keeps happening, and will continue on its own!

The place brought back memories, some funny, some messed up, some just plain weird. A list of names in which his appears, among others. I think of the night in Thamel, while passing the familiar club, where he was piss drunk, and I was in my “red dress”.

“I miss you!” the text reads. I reach for the delete button, in silence.

She speaks…

“Bitch!”

02 Monday Dec 2013

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

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Abusive relationships, Bollywood, cheating, Drowning, Hate, India, love

She immersed in the water, the ripples forming around her. It was warm, and she let her whole body submerge as she blocked his screams that resonated in her head.

He was back in one of his moods, and this time with another woman in the picture. It was tiring, very tiring to be listening to the stories, reliving them, and then trying to make sense. His I-love-yous made no sense, nor did his i-miss-yous.

She dipped her head in the water, her hair clinging to her scalp, her fingers holding onto whatever she could. She was grasping for what was left, if there be anything left, while her fingers lingered in the emptiness, in a vacuum that she felt within.

“Bitch! Fucking bitch! Slut!”

His voice echoed, once, twice, thrice, a million times.

She was under the mass of water which blocked his voice. It was warm, unlike the coldness that prevailed around her the moment she emerged. Stay in, keep her head low, let the waters block her existence.

Love had turned null, dead and an irritation. She hoped he would leave her in peace, she wished both of them would stop messing with her peace, and let her drown in her little solitary being, in the waters that calmed her, soothed her, and made her feel her being from within.

Her legs kicked harder, waves forming with the anger and the helpless that gushed out.

“Slut! Slut! Slut!” he continues.

She dived deeper, while his voice faded into the Bollywood music that surged out piercing her ears.

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