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Vositha's Blog

~ a story of life, love and other things

Vositha's Blog

Monthly Archives: August 2012

For Rachel Corrie

28 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Demolition, die, Gaza strip, human shield, Israeli court, Palestinian, Rachel Corrie

For most of us here, the name might not be too familiar. But her name did pop up on news today, to mention that Isreali court ruled that her death was an accident. The family were seen at the press conference, elaborating their stance on the judgement.

But how did she die? Who is she? And why am I writing this, having never heard of her till her death?

Corrie an American, was a member of the International Solidarity Movement and was working in the Gaza strip where she died while attempting to stop the demolition of a Palestinian home. Witness reports state that she was caught under the bulldozer in heading to demolish the house, while others state that she died of the debris that fell on her. She died March 16th, 2003 at the age of 23.

I would not question the happenings nor would I proceed to analyse the legal process. But what I would think of is the courage of a young woman to stand up for what she believes to be true. On hearing her story a few years back, when I came into the world of volunteers and humanitarian workers, what I always thought was what would have crossed her mind as she watched the bulldozer coming towards her. Being a human shield to protect a Palestinian house that was about to be demolished, was a courageous thing to do. But did she honestly believe in her wildest dreams that the man would stop upon seeing her? In a mind of a humanitarian worker, the life of a person would be given priority, while in the perception of a demolition worker, it would be in a different order.

Sometimes we fight for a cause we honestly believe in and then fail at it. But we are remembered nevertheless for the courage and the bravery of the being, and the humane aspect of it. So Rachel seems to have played her part in highlighting what she believes in. Some may admire her, while others would deem her stupid. But whatever it may be the opinion on her, that one may hold, I believe that only a few people would be strong enough to show what they really believe to matter, and be part of a movement that fights for such cause.

As for me, she will always be seen as a young woman who was brave enough to fight for what she thought was setting the world on the right track and protecting those who were in need of it.

“Like” by Thimal Gajadeera

28 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Guest Bloggers

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like, love, romance, Thimal Gajadeera

The thrill takes over as you see the sentences appear over your screen. You played your hand and waited for the necessary time gap. The feeling of excitement grows within with your senses pleading you to becalm yourself. The magic crystal ball in your mind inviting you into seductively destructive dreams of romance and thus destroys your pre-conceived plan of not getting ahead of yourself.

Reply comes in the same form of light heartedness which featured the conversation so far.You try and read it analyze it re-analyze it, desperate to crack the code which has been eluding you so far.

You decide that you haven’t put the message across. This time you add more nonchalance and light heartedness into to it. liberal use of colons with P’s(god’s gift for the awkward, if you use it as much in real life you are probably in the throes of an epileptic fit) and with a definite edge of interest attached to it.

And success. Sweet success.A reply which you can safely imagine as responsive when you analyze it less than the umpteenth time.You slip into your crystal ball of wonder.

Time lapses. Nothing is as good as it was. Doubts creep in as the cold spectre of cynicism creeps in,and soon it fades; with a scar and all the hurt it carry.

Yet for the little time it lasted. It’s brilliant. Exhilarating and Vibrant.

Love I cannot account for. But, like. Pretty damn good. :p

Thimal Gajadeera

28 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Guest Bloggers

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Thimal Gajadeera

Thimal Gajadeera

An Undergraduate of University of Sri Jayawardenapura (in perpetuity) He blogs sporadically on http://cricketfromtheisle.blogspot.com/ and likes to write weird stuff when bored.He also loves Cricket and Rugby. Did he mention he was bored?

cricket from the Isle
cricketfromtheisle.blogspot.com

“Continuing on Miss and Mrs..”

21 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

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contraceptive pills. condoms, gynaecologist, pregnancy, sex, sexually transmitted disease

So the blog post I wrote on how the titles matter or NOT have cause a few opinions to come forth. While one of my friends in the medical profession claimed that in any receipt or form the title being correctly put would play a key role, as some people are pretty anal about being considered Miss when Mrs, or vice versa another one of my friends claimed that one of her friends had been even refused medical care upon answering in the negative to the question “are you married?” So if you are wondering what am I ranting on about here goes the story of one girl living in the city of Colombo, unmarried and seeking medical advice. In the midst of that interaction another friend provided me this story.

So let’s call this person Nadi. Nadi has apparently had doubts whether she was having a sexually transmitted disease, and hence wanted to get a medical opinion. She goes to a gynaecologist and explains her situation. The doctor asks her “are you married?” and she says “no”. The result: the appointment is at an end, she is refused treatment and left with her continuing woe of not knowing if has or has not a sexually transmitted disease. Kind of obscenely weird I must say, but then again it has been an actual occurrence and lived by a person living in the city of Colombo.

However among such doctors, there are also those who do not pay attention to details of marriage and would just take the medical issue of concern to concentration. I have been blessed to have such from my gynaecologist, and he has been pretty open about lot of things, while making me feel comfortable about my pregnancy. Though I am married, he has not ever asked me if I was or not, and even upon noting the absence of the paternal party of late, he has been like “chill men! Kid’s are strong, you take care of yourself!” I respect the man for not trying to make me feel worse than I should given my plight, and for making me feel reassured. Focus on the issue and not other rubbish, seems to be his motto. I am grateful that there are doctors like him. I think I am lucky, while some of us seem to end up with a bad dose of medical experts who try to force down people’s throats, their moral dilemmas and discriminate those who come to them for medical advice.

However the deal does not seem to be restricted to the hospitals alone. It extends to pharmacies when one needs to purchase contraceptive pills, where the supplier of medicine glances at the fingers to check the wedding ring and then provide one of those condescending looks that your great grandmother would give.

I wonder what it is like for men to buy condoms in Sri Lankan shops. Not sure if they also go through the same drama or is it just a privileged allocated to women. Then again is this pharmacist’s attitude which cause Sri Lankan’s to have unprotected sex? One never knows, but it could be a possible factor which plays a role. On speaking of sex, my father in law provided me with a wonderful statement which is a little short of being divine “ men will say things, but good women should know how to behave!” I think he kind of summed up the society’s opinion of sex and the fault game in one line. Men will have sex, it is upto the woman to NOT have sex!

So yes, I am sure that the Miss and Mrs plays a part in people’s lives and forms filled, but upon hearing the stories it does seem to be weighing a little too much on people’s lives as sometimes your status of marriage seem to block you from accessing medical advice or gaining treatment where it be necessary. Time for some thinking, don’t you think?

Thank you for making my little one feel loved!

21 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

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baby, care, labor, love, thank you

I know not when my baby will be born, as he seems to have a mind of his own even in the womb, kicking as he pleases, hiding his actions and having his own moods. I guess I will have my hands full with the little one, and I know that life will be complete with him to spoil and to bring up. Before I rush off to labor, (since I have already been in and out of hospital due to few complications) this is just a small note of thank you for all those who have been there for me and not made me feel alone through all the ups and downs of my roller coaster of emotions, and life’s unexpected.

So thank you to all who were and are still there for me, to cheer me up, and to make me laugh and remind me to be strong. Thank you to all those who reminded me that the baby will be special, that he will change my life, and that it would be only for the best.

Thank you for the calls from afar, but deemed I mattered, and that my yet to be born thus mattered. Thank you for the blessings you have sent, the prayers in which you have kept us, and the words of encouragement given at times I was feeling suicidal. Thank you for making me feel special, and for all the stories you reminded me of the past years of me, and my life that kept me stronger for both our sake.

And thank you for carrying those baby products in buses, being thought pregnant while you were 19yrs old, simply cz you were carrying nappies and baby care! Thank you for the baby lists given by those who are experienced, a cot dropped off at my place for the little one, food carried in buses in rush hours to my door step, all the ice cream made and brought for me, books sent to me through post, and all the doctor’s visits you have volunteered to be there with me to make me feel less miserable when surround by couples awaiting their kids.

Thank you mostly for reminding me that life is just beginning and that I am loved, and cared for. And that my kid will be the same, by not just one parent or family, but a lot of people who will be there for him, and who will watch him grow to be a good person who will make me and all his uncles and aunties proud.

So thank you! You guys are the best 🙂

“ Pregnancy Tests Should be Mother friendly NOT Marriage friendly!”

17 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Uncategorized

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

marriage, pregnancy, pregnancy test

So apart from other complications in my life, I am told that I have pregnancy complications too. Not that I have been unable to recognise that with whatever I have been going through of late, physically of course, but then to be confirmed by the doctor on the matter was, well not relieving in this case. The water levels of the baby is not normal, he says, and some acidic level in the blood ain’t too good either. I do not catch his scientific explanation as my education of science was force fed and was not necessarily appreciated. Anyhow in summary I am to get tests done, and to have the delivery of the kid, way in advance than the date expected. Awesome I think, considering the troubles I am going through at present in finding a maid to take care of the kid. No I do not want to drown the poor thing (referring to the baby of course) while trying to give him a bath! Having never played with dolls in my childhood, I have not much faith even in holding the little living doll, when he will scream himself out of the womb.

Anyways, the doctor having highlighted all the anomalies, tells me that I need to go get a particular test done, and that it is available in Asiri hospital. And daddy dearest has his own reaction to this. He claims that the test should be available in any lab, and that the doctor would be thinking of getting a commission out of directing me to one particular place. I maintain silence, a practice I have developed since moving back home, and having to depend on my parents for the next 4 months at least, unable to work with the little bundle of resilience to take care of. Life changes in the most fucked up ways, than ever expected, and after 12 years I will have to bear with total dependency on my parents, something I hate at all times, and something I despise vehemently given that the baby will be a presence in that picture as well. Silence, silence, and more silence.

Anyways the ordeal does not end at that. I walk into the counter, and the people are not too familiar with what the test is. And tells me after 3 readings, that it will cost me 2520 LKR. I look in my purse for money not sure whether I had that amount, and feel relieved upon that I have 2580 LKR in my purse, and that I would not have to walk back to the car to get money from my father.
And then comes the million dollar question that I hear too many times upon getting a pregnancy related test done.

“Your name please?” “ V. Wijenayake.
Then to unnecessary specifics “Mrs, right?”

I always wonder what importance this stupid question plays in getting a test done.
a. Does it have an impact on the rest results?
b. Is it only married women who get pregnant?
c. Do you have to be married to be pregnant?

Or should it be the fourth option of having this social norm of trying to make women who would want to get a pregnancy test done without being married feel uncomfortable, because only women who are “bad” would get pregnant out of wedlock.

I just do not get it, but it really drives me insane every time this question is asked. It is time the society gets a grip of their selves to accept that people in Sri Lanka do have sex out of wedlock, and that woman have the right to get a pregnancy test done, whether they be married or not. And if they choose to be so, even to be unmarried mums, and raise their kids. What is important is to as long know how to behave and raise a kid without messing up the poor kid’s brain.

So please give the women a break! They have enough shit to deal with without having to deal with this type of innuendos every time they need a pregnancy test done too!

“I would have killed myself”

17 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Fiction

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

kill, marriage, screwing, son, suicide

“If I had stayed with him one more week I would have killed myself” her friend tells her. She has not spoken to her for a long time, and they were never close friends. She had made it a point to not be around the two of them in the past, just so that their groping of each other would not make her lose her appetite. But speaking to her now, she could realise how the other felt in the past.
She adds, “ he even called me a bitch, asked me why I came behind him wagging the tail like a bitch!” It was weird to hear someone tell all those things to another who had been close to him. “He used to very rude to me, but when he needed me, he was very nice. I was too young, and I did not know what I was doing.”

But she had got out of the misery, she had moved on, and she was expecting her first child. She was happy. “ My husband is not that educated, but he loves me, cares for me, and thinks I am the best thing that happened to him. He does not want to let go of me.”

“ I am lucky that I paid those last thousands for his operation. That was the price I paid to get my life back. He thought I was not good looking enough to be his girlfriend, but my husband treats me like a princess. It ‘s like dying and being born again.”

She smiles, happy at the other girl’s plight. It was good to hear that at least one person was happy, and was no longer emotionally traumatised by her past.

It was also evident that the family genes did manage to make women want to go kill themselves. The villagers tell that his dad drove his first wife to commit suicide, through his affair with the other woman, who later bore his son for him. His daughter in law had considered swallowing a handful of tablets and ending all her misery. Not once, but a few times. It was her son who had stopped her. She did not want to cripple the poor child due to any more than what he suffered.

The circle of life that turned. A dad, a son, and women around them. Plots that thicken, hopefully reaching their end and one day giving sanity to those that be haunted by those filled with insanity. For now she waits and watches where her life be headed, to see the marriage to the woman who screws half his office, him and half the town.

She awaits the day to see her in laws who called her a bad woman, embrace the woman who their son still continues to deny screwing. She waits for that laughter, which she’d have patience to see, the day those in laws behold the truth.

Moments

13 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Fiction

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

caring, memories, moments, son, sun shine, wedding

It was a beautiful wedding. She thought as she went through their wedding photos. He and she were both smiling, and he looked the self she fell in love with, minus the beard. She has her motherly look on him, the one she used to have when he was up to mischief, or was acting cute. She wondered how things could go so wrong, and yet things could look so beautiful on photos.
She remembered him pulling out all the pins in her hair, in her sari, and helping her out of the jacket. He had been helpful and caring. Though they had slept in their side of the bed, she staying awake while he had fallen asleep fast.

Life had changed fast, for the best at times and for the worse at others. From either side of the bed, they had merged to hug each other to sleep, and huddle against each other in their sleep and for him to forcibly be woken up from his sleep from her kisses, while he childishly tried to escape from them not yet awaken and half in his sleep. She liked their mornings, where she tried to get him out of bed, while he crawled back on and slept letting her bug him for another two or three hours.

Moments of the past linger, while their baby moved within her soon awaiting his entrance to sunshine. She wondered if his dad would ever see him, whether he felt anything for his son. All she knew was that she would have to learn to live with and without his memories, as time moves on, and hopefully till she has moves on for her sake and her son’s.

” I can understand how you feel”

10 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Fiction

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baby, maid, marriage, milk, mother in law, screwing. marriage on paper

A friend tells that the friend can understand how she feels as she had to stay a few days without her husband while pregnant and that she felt as it was hell. She shakes her head. She cannot imagine how her friend could understand the emotions she was going through. The friend’s husband had not gone and screwed other women while she was pregnant, had not gone away and cut all communication with her, nor had she been going through an eternal roller coaster of emotions. So there was no way her friend could grasp any of what she was living.

Early in her pregnancy, she had seen how her friend’s husband had been paying attention to her. He would go bring her food, make sure that she would eat something, check if she did, and then make sure he kept her cool while she acted all hormonal. She had watched the two of them, a husband who cooked for his pregnant wife, and made sure she was kept happy. She had wondered why her life had become all messed up, why her husband could not be around her, spend his free time with her, and then ended up being the man he was. But then she had not found a proper answer yet. It was like the conversation she had with Niluka the day before, where she tried to make sense of the man’s behaviour, and then she was told by him that sometimes one cannot make any sense out of anything, though we would like to
see a reason as to why all happens.

Hubby dearest parents’ seem to believe that putting money to her account covers up all the shit their son does. Him running off and not keeping in touch, and then screwing his mistress while abroad, and then cutting all ties with his wife who is supposed to give birth. Her mother in law had asked her a few times whether she thought they were beggars. It did not matter to her even if they were, as long as there were no other women in her life to deal with, and had a husband who would have been caring and truthful. Her mother in law had been very specific the last time she had thrown a bitch fit at her “there is the maid to take care of “your” child, and we are there, and your parents are there! What kind of woman are you who does not want your husband to become an important man “ She was a little taken aback as she did not know how to respond to a woman of this nature.
a) She was not Mother Mary to get pregnant on her own for the kid to be “your” child.
b.) The husband’s presence was not needed to wash nappies, but to be there for his wife and child when needed, so that they would have emotional support.
c) The maid never turned up, nor did the certain in laws ever check on her or the kid, whether they were dead or alive
d) One does not attain importance in life by screwing around while married, and then running off from their responsibilities, and then by continuing to screw around.

She liked how they analysed everything based on money, and not the human relationships. Then she was glad that she did not have to spend much time with them. She had completely different values from what they believed in. Their issue was not their son screwing another while married, but that people did find out about it. And for that too, they preferred to blame their daughter in law, who they claim they could never invite home. The woman adds “you can do anything you want to us, we will die soon, and then you can come to our funeral”. She wanted to ask what good her death would do to her, as she never played any role in her daughter in law’s life. And why in the world was she to go there upon her funeral, when she did not bother to ask her daughter in law to come home even while the woman breathed. Till her communication with her in laws she had thought all the dialogues found in Sinhala tele dramas to be quite made up, but they proved that people like the characters in those were actually found in the Sri Lankan society. Just that she had not had the misfortune of meeting such, prior to her marriage.

Mother in law adds “ send the summons to our house”. May be they want to save their precious son, who will turn into an important person through screwing multiple women and then hiding it to the world, or pretending to be otherwise. She decides she can wait. Her son will be born very soon, and then she will have only time to focus on the little one who she knows would be a demanding little kid who will shriek for milk every second, and want affection which was deprived to him early on from conception. She would have to be there for him, the little one who needs to be taken care of, and manage on her own, without the claimed support of a maid nor the in laws who were to help her out in taking care of her son. Her parents were getting ready for the little one’s arrival, and stitching little cloths, that have started filling her household. Her house was starting to fill up with baby stuff, and baby lists.

And she was learning to live the idea of a marriage on paper, where there was never a real commitment, for the sake of a kid who will need his dad, or at least need to know he has one.

“The Coffee Wait”

07 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by vositha in Fiction

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

coffee, date, smile, wait

It was their usual coffee place, usual chill out zone, and he was with her after a long time. It felt good to be there, even with all that was going on in her life. Too many mess ups yet pulling through and holding onto her sanity levels. He did not ask her how things were, knowing very well she did not need to elaborate it all and live it all again. He did not ask her where the father of her kid was, though he noticed that her belly had grown while she had shrunk. He did not ask her of her health, not of her back pains or her parents with whom she lived. He just smiled, the usual smile she liked, and warmed her from within.

He was there, being a friend. They had not dated, because she had chosen the other, whom she married, whose kid she carried, and who ran off and screwed another. He did not tell her “I told you so” because she knew it all well. He did not hold her hand, like the night she was shocked, too shocked to react on hearing of the other. He did not see it right, though he could have. She would have just shut out, and shut him out, like at times she did. He just waited with her, for that is all he thought she wanted. She had not changed, though the spark was missing, and the laughter was gone. She was herself, trying to make life work, not depend or repent. He waited for her, like he always did, unnoticed by her . He waited till she smiled too, after their coffee and their silent conversation.

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