Ever found statements like “ I will slap you!”, “ I have a good slapping hand!” to be funny? I don’t think most of us do or did. If you do, well then I have to pity you, if you don’t then your sense of decency is much appreciated.

Anyhow on a personal note, I do loath such comments and fail to comprehend the necessity of people to make such appalling comments. I fail to see how people find such statements appropriate to be made to any individual on a personal level in privacy, or in public.

One conclusion be what I gain through such behaviour. The total lack of what be decent, the lack of respect for others and the dire need and the mandatory requisite or the obligation to proceed to a “finishing school!”

Due to or out of diplomacy and unavoidable circumstances we in our lives do tolerate such people,(for the continuation of team work that be working towards a common goal) though with much regret it needs be said that it be much better circumstance if that not be a necessity).

Nevertheless what it be which I comprehend of late is that while tolerance be a necessity the erasing of such beings from one’s life, for all the good reasons of self preservation and self respect, the demonstration as to what one deems one to be, the stance one holds of one’s self and not letting another crude mongrel creature make the best of another’s tolerance and patience be the only solution for the maintenance of social equality!

This statement be applicable to any circumstance, be it involving humans in situations where genders male and female be in interaction, or male and male and female and female be in interaction!

Be noted that no discrimination be made based on gender as crude, “caveman”like nature which lack a total lack of respect for others be something that be condemned in any being that be of any gender.

Pray for a day, where such pathetic beings realise their own deplorable existence and do change for benevolent and altruistic reasons for volunteerisms’ sake, or be their such climatic changes that make such existence nonexistent for the betterment of human survival!

Project survival has begun! Anyone care to join?

The cold continues and so does my struggle at keeping awake.

In the cold others find warmth. A newly married couple sleep on a bench huddled together. i didn’t notice the new rings on their fingers until after a while. They seem happy. Sometimes i guess “two is better than one” especially when it’s cold.

I remember this time last year. I was in a better airport but the same long transits. Shehan was checking out his new laptop and i was comfortably lying in the Thai airport lobby.

It was much better and at least I was able to grab some sleep before reaching COP 15 to face an anti climax of my life on all levels.

Memories of last December, climate movement, “climate freaks” as Shehan would term them, and emotions lost in abundance rush in. (I did not blog then, I am glad I didn’t, those memories be lost within journals and papers of confused and frustrated emotions and expressions)

Wasted moments of life that be relived to comprehend sanity and insanity of a being who be called Vositha.

Life is open and lays itself down for analysis. She smiles to those who smile with her.

The world is suddenly filled with brown people and silence be replaced by smiles not words.

Sometimes smiles are better, at other times scratches.

I am so jobless and am lacking a place to sleep so I end up eves dropping on a group of French boys who keep on complaining and laughing about everything that they have been up to and some girl called Emilie.

Yes I am living some of those awakening moments of life , wide awake when I should be sleeping. Nevertheless I have realised that one can just fall asleep quite involuntarily and without having any consciousness about it by just leaning on a chair (happened a couple of times, but did manage to wake up in a few minutes.

Sleep definitely be a luxury that I be deprived of and seem to in continuance in such deprivation, over and over and over again.

Any kind soul who pities me?

So I have finally landed in this land of which everyone is deemed to be happy to be a citizen and those without it, strive to be citizens.

I have no such desire I merely want to get my ass to Cancun and not have to freeze in the cold winter of New York. But then again I would not have gone through such trauma either way as they announced on arrival that the weather is 10 degrees. So yes, so far so good.

Standing in the customs queue I notice the same gent who was standing behind me at the Colombo airport. I make no conversation with him till a South Asian lady who speaks no English wants to clarify if the gent who was behind me, who is clearly over 55 yrs of age is my husband. Either I look old, or in her surroundings it is normal for people in their 20s to end up marrying those who are approaching their 60s.

Anyhow, such be the starting point of the conversation. His and mine that is. He being a lawyer is on his way to visit his wife and daughter living in DC. We strike a conversation and in the course of it, I discover that he is soon to sue my cousin for a medical negligence case! Have to admit this world is far too small and is rapidly shrinking at a pace which is in most cases very hard for me to keep up with. Someone from office goes to a conference in DC and meets up with an African I know. An Indian intern drops in at my office and then she has been the roommate of another Indian of whom I was the roommate (yes a too long sentence did I complete just now) Ain’t all these a little too strange when it keeps happening way too often that you expect them to?

Anyhow the story does not end there. I stand finally at the custom officer number 1 who tells me to put my finger prints on the scanner. Out of nowhere a 60 plus gentleman stands beside me. Surprise for both! Not for the man who is standing next to me, but the custom officer and I. He asks the man what his purpose of intrusion was, to receive the answer that he is there to help me to understand what the custom officer says. Nice act of generosity (I guess) but not very well received. The custom officer tells “that was strange!”

Custom number 2 (admittedly quite cute) wants to know what my purpose of visit is. I tell him I am in transit and that I am on my way to Cancun. He wants to know where my friends are! I am like “sorry”. His response, “aren’t you going to Cancun to party, with your friends?” well I tell him that I am headed for a conference and he wants to clarify what be my profession. On hearing he says he believes me. I notice the smirk. Quite cute again! (I have to admit that most black American men are exceptionally cute. Specially this one.)

Yeah so on a mission to kill time till my tomorrow morning flight I stroll around begging for information from all forms of airport personnel. Finally being directed to spend time till early morning in the airport shops as terminal 5 where I am supposed to fly out from have no place or to sit and wait! (not my discovery but information provided by the check in counter person)

So I search for internet next. Need to contact those I could and figure out what has been happening since my departure. I am sure nothing much, but it makes an internet addict such as me relieved to be connected rather than excluded from internet access. So what do I do, following the direction in which one’s index finder be pointed, I head to a cafe to grab a hot chocolate so as to access internet.

Surprise! The stupid server does not function and I have spend double the amount I would normally spend on a drink to buy what I consume as I type this, to be duped with an illusion of access to internet and the global community.

And the next surprise awaits me shortly. It feels damn hot in this cafe where the heater seems to be turned up to the maximum. Sri Lanka be less hot during this season than in this cafe in the winter season. Surprise! Surprise! Tropics have hit terminal 4! So I end up taking off my sweater in a spectacle of cleavage. Cannot be bothered, die of heat of survive being taken for a freak. The latter. You people around me, I do not know you, you do not know me, so we are cool!

Yes I shall put a stop to this rant now and try to get some knowledge on climate negotiations to my rapidly dying brain cells.

Ciao!

I am in the Kuwait airport waiting for the gates to open for me to finally board a proper plane. (Hopeful. I might change my mind by the time i get to upload this)

Why do I say “proper plane?”well simply due to the fact that the earlier one definitely did not seem to be so. The flight attendants seem to be having a superiority complex as they do not seem to be wanting to be attending to “domestic servants/housemaids” and yeah me with brown skin seem to have been taken for one as well.

I requested for a warm glass of water for the lady flying in to work as a house main in Kuwait to be answered with “this is not cold”.

Hell with courtesy and being polite. Non discrimination definitely does not seem to be the norm today.

And I am seated on the floor simply because the place does not seem to be having enough chairs and typing this. I was a little too positive in assuming that I would be able to get hold of a free wifi zone. Guess that happens only in Sri Lanka. Where you have free wifi zones at the same time where you have free internet providers with stands put up for people to check on mail etc.

Well at times like this I do miss Colombo. And why do I have a feeling that I would miss home more during this trip!?

Let me now freeze my butt off in NY for the next 18 hours.
On a positive note, I am sure I will be striking a conversation with some random stranger who would like to know what I do, where I am headed and whether I am married. I seem to give people “OH i must talk to her or she will die vibe!” something I discovered over this journey.

Anyways who am I to complain? It is a choice between reading “The plane was still coughing. Smoke was leaking from both its lungs. When it crashed, three deep gashes were made in the earth” or talking to a stranger from Anuradapura who tells me as to how difficult her life has become due to inflation and leaving behind her daughter to work as a housemaid in Kuwait.

What do you think I picked?

So I am back to travelling. Good thing? Bad thing? Not too sure!

After deciding to come 5 hours in advance thanks to the weather forecast on local media I was stuck in the middle of over 70 people waiting at the entrance to get into the airport. Not the nicest sight I must say at 1 am in the morning.

So naturally assuming they were all very politely queuing up to get in, I also wait with due respect.

Nopes they did not seem to budge! Why? Because they were not in a queue but merely waiting for the others of their group to turn up!

So much for that I head in after a good 30 minutes wait, thanks to my own stupidity.

In hand the nice novel my sis handed me to read on my way, which has on its cover for some weird reason “when death tells a story, you really have to listen” I hand over my ticket and passport to the security personnel.

Moments later I am in, putting my luggage in when a panic attack hits!

Yes, my passport is missing! Thank you! Now what?

Freaking out session and the security people thinking I am some intruder trying to get in by pretending an almost heart attack or something.

I find the passport a few minutes later all crumpled up with the luggage! Phew! ( Funnily mum threw such a tantrum I should not hold it in my hand and was adamant that I needs must put it in my bag for safety. What happens next? It goes missing! And then she did also advice me not to get into waters that are “unknown”! Question being am I to head to beach, look at the water and wait? Well if this were to be pronounced out loud, she would loudly pronounce an answer in the affirmative to my no surprise at all!)

Well this start is definitely interesting. Aruni tells me that the universe is speaking to me. And yes, it does seem to be speaking and trying to tell me, don’t go! Don’t go! (or it could be my mind playing games with me! Who knows and who cares anyways?)

I tell my sister “If I die, you will be very rich!” (wonder why I tell these stupid lines once in a while, but I do, so the people around me bear with them for most parts)

And then open the book she gives me for travel reading. What does it say in the first page?

“HERE IS A SMALL FACT
You are going to die”

Hence commences my trip to Cancun and to COP 16, fingers crossed people for me to get there in one peace without missing any flights, without losing anything, or myself and senses in the process!

And now, me heads out from coffee bean to board the plane that is hopefully still there 🙂

Nostalgia hits hard at times, like a silent predator, taking you by surprise, taking space off your head, while you be oblivious.
Thoughts of mountains, cold weather, warm black jacket rush in, involuntarily.

Faces, smiles and images, fights, wrestles, mad and uncontrollable laughter.

Groups of kids warming their hands, cigarette smoke in abundance in a land where cigarettes be banned. What conversation ever initiated with no cigarette to initiate it?

“Gundas” that dine in canteens till informed of Police heading that way. ( Nopes, not quoting any Bollywood script)

Moments of staring out at deserted roads deprived of monstrous vehicles, through the window of one’s room while pestering one to wake, then waiting that one to awake at one’s own pace.

Long discussions on conspiracies, monarchies, economies, kings, queens and rebels.

Trees, rivers, clear waters
Chats, walks, chillies
A reel of images…

Nostalgia, nostalgia
When be my return to Bhutan?

What turns one heartless?

What turns one a sadist?

Those be the questions in her head.

Her friend tells her “ I want you to start thinking, when you turned into this insensitive emotionless being. Figure out, what caused this course!”

She knows when it all changed.

How it all changed. And due to who it all changed.

Nothing be worth mentioning unfortunately.

The tears never spilled out of her eyes, the words never spoken be left unspoken. The heart that holds it all turned stone and the mind rings alarms “hurt him before he causes hurt!”

It be one of those reflex reactions, where she sways unintended.

Scribbles of thoughts, of words, of tears suppressed.

The bitch the others see, be she.

The wounds cut too deep, seek pain. Pain caused as much as be induced.

She be the wounded beast, on the attack to anyone that comes close.
Hurt before hurt be upon her!

Words, lines, images.

Swirl churn blur.

The bitch looks on for better days, where her only pleasure not be mind games, with those who want to mess with her mind, but end up with messed up minds.

Life is not about complaining and it is all about living it.

Jut told someone to get lost and started missing him in a few minutes. Despite the idiocy of the man I think I have grown familiar to him over the years that not having him around would make it a not so my life. Well let us see if he comes around, not sure, but yeah let’s see!

And what else?

Yeah something else I have realised over the last few days. Sleep be essential to living souls, and I, I am in the process of becoming a zombie! I proclaimed many a time that I be one, but never dreamt I would turn one. Well yeah, as they say, be careful of what you say! I shall in the future, or rather I would try to.

What else be my rants for the day or the lessons learnt? Well

a. Never trust a man who cheated on you once, he lied once, he would do it many a time, over and over and over again!

b. Never do anything that you are not happy doing! You do not like it, then it ain’t meant for you!

c. Never do anything you do not like doing, specially if it ain’t paying you but peanuts! Yeah NEVER!

d. Get sleep! I mean SLEEP!

e. It is nice to have a companion who makes you laugh and with whom one can have good conversation. Kind of makes your day:)

f. Some people never get the meaning of what they say! And have a tough time grasping what others say!

g. Weekends are the time that some people work the most! (including me!)

h. Sometimes life does not make any sense, has no sense, and is full of nonsense!

i. Laughing too much can give one a headache! (surprised? Then you haven’t laughed enough!)

j. Clumsiness is a vice which can be deemed at times otherwise!

k. Some people make utter fools of themselves when drunk!

l. There are too many weddings this year!

So ends the rants for the day!

Thank you for thy patience in enduring the torture of reading till the end! This be a blog intended for the venting of frustration, and is not intended for creativity, merely for destressing!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZ!

The lost man hath called! Mmm something over which it be worth pondering…